Izzy: "How do you like my outfit?"
Daddy: "It's just swell. Say what does the change room upstairs look like?"
Izzy: "The change room?"
Daddy: "Yes, your room upstairs?"
Izzy: "Upstairs?"
Daddy "Isobel, what shape is your room in? Is it OK or does it look like a bomb went off?"
Izzy: "Don't worry, we're going to clean it up."
Mrs. Narrator: :"So it totally looks like a bomb went off?"
Izzy: (deadpan) "Yeah... See ya."
I'm not crazy about the kids having their friends over. It's not that I don't want them to socialize. I do. It's not that I am ashamed of house. I am not (in fact with enough warning, like an over night guest, it gives one cause to clean the house). Maybe it is partly the noise level...Especially when The Boy and the other Noise Brother get together. Maybe it is something a little more atavistic. Like saying 'I trust you with my kids enough to allow them into your home, so if something ill should befall me before supper time you can have them until they are old enough to fend for themselves.' Maybe it just cramps my style.
But the more I go along with this parent thing, the more I am starting to realize that there is in fact, very little about me that is stylish enough to be cramped anymore. And that very little that goes on around this place is affected by my opinion. Play dates will be had whether I am comfortable or not. And so calls were placed, rides were arranged and Candace came over to play dress up.
I like Candace, probably the most out of Izzy's friends. She strikes me already as the type of kid Izzy will likely be friends with for a very long time. I don't know why I get that impression but it is a strong impression that they will remain close in some capacity for a very long time. There is no competition between the two (though Izzy clearly calls the shots) and she is patient and loyal to a fault. All the things that one looks for in a friend.
I wonder if there was much planning before the play date. Did they sit in the school yard discussing what they should play? 'Dollies, we could play Dollies.' 'Naw, Dollies is for babies. And I'll just puke if I play school again. Don't we get enough of that crap every day anyhow?' 'We could put on make-up and dress up clothes!' 'Shut up! That's the best idea I have heard all day!'
I suspect it is a little more spontaneous than that but I have seen them chatting discreetly when I pick Izzy up
The two of them disappeared as quickly as they came in, taking several sheets of paper with them and Izzy's make up bag. After much giggling and shuffling of paper, the girls emerged and announced that there would be a fashion show.
"Ladies and gentlemen," Isobel began. "Today we are having a fashion show and we are going to have two models. The wonderful Kashi( like the cereal?) and a super special surprise model. So thank- you all for coming and give it up for our models starting with Kashi!"
"Oh yay! huzzah and hoopla!" said Mrs. Narrator and I. (really it was more a half-hearted clap and cheers that bordered on confused groans)
And out she came...Candace had assumed the mantle of Kashi...You know, kids come in all shapes and sizes. Some are graceful and delicate, some are flatfooted and stomp about the house and still others look like they would make a decent tight end for the Steelers... Kashi was squeezed into a pair of Isobel's pink tights. They were two sizes to small and too short. Atop that was an old top of Isobel's that fit her in a year, never mind fitting a girl twice her size. The ensemble was capped off with a half broken tiara and pink eye make up in straight lines under her eyes. Her lips were coated in the same shade of pink. She looked uncomfortable but I couldn't tell if that was from wearing Izzy's too small outfits or the prospect of speaking in public to two adults she really didn't know...I like Candace, really I d
o but I have to say she bore more than a passing resemblance to a young Pete Boyle in drag... So we cheered as loud as we thought we should and off went Kashi to get the super secret model.There was more giggling and ruffling of papers and soon out came Kashi again in clothes that fit her and a paper in her hand.
"Ladies and gentlemen," she said to the floor. "we have a super special treat today so everybody give it up for Melissa..."
"Candace," Izzy whispered. "Come here, you're not saying it right."
She wandered back to the bathroom where they were changing and putting on make up and soon came back with Izzy's tooth brushing stool. She set the stool in the center of the room and began again.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we have an extra special treat today so give it up for Melissa Chrysalis."
We clapped and cheered, being careful not to clap and cheer any louder than we had for Kashi, lest feelings get hurt. Now this might be the bit where you would expect me to go on at length about what Izzy was wearing and how her make-up was perfect and all. And normally I might but I don't want to seem to elevate my child any higher than her friends. That and the second Isobel entered the room, she stood on the tooth brushing stool and proceeded to tell us all at length what she was wearing and how her make up was perfect.
"Boy," said Mrs. Narrator. "Melissa seems to be talking an awful lot about herself and not doing a lot of Modeling."
"I think that's just how she is," said Candace "She likes herself. A lot."
I can see why Izzy likes her best of all. Non-confrontational and a mind reader...
I am not a lover of pets. Specifically cats. As I have previously mentioned, my opinion matters very little around here. Let's face facts, once you become parents everything within reason becomes about the children and their happiness.
When I came home from work this past Thursday, I was informed that there would be not one but two small furry cat like things moving into the house. Strangely enough, I had been consulted on the matter. My opinion was duly noted and ignored in its entirety.
Now I am not one of those 'microwaving cats for fun and profit ask me how' kind of cat haters and I am a mammal, I am programmed to want to care for cute things. I just fundamentally prefer dogs to cats, though if I had my choice I would choose neither. Cats shit in a box and you reward them for this. In fact you are downright happy about it!
Izzy has called her cat (a bow legged black odd ball of a beast) Chester. A
fine name for a cat I suppose. The Boy wanted to name his cat (A Morris type tabby) potato but he said Mrs. Narrator wouldn't let him because she would be entirely unable to keep a straight face if I ever angrily shouted that "That god-damned Potato shit on the carpet!" And so after much deliberation...Georgie. (like Lynne Redgrave? Really?)One thing I am discovering in the short time that we have had the two of them is that organic cat food makes for foul cats. I have a little black cat that can literally fit into my front pocket and can literally clear a room. Izzy and I also have somebody to blame when things get a little gassy on a Sunday afternoon. Now if I can just teach her not to announce it every time she lets one slip...
I couldn't fit this in anywhere but I still had to share it...
We were driving along to the grocery store. and a commercial came on the radio. I didn't pay much attention to it. Clearly Izzy did. Advertising works...
Izzy:(In radio guy voice) "You can HAVE a cigarette."
Daddy: "What!!?!? What did you say?"
Izzy: "You can HAVE a cigarette. That's what the guy just said."
Daddy: "What guy?"
Izzy: "The guy that was just on the radio. He said you can HAVE a cigarette."
Daddy: "Oh, I see. Well isn't that lovely then."
Izzy: "What, what is lovely? That you can HAVE a cigarette?"
Daddy: "No thanks, I don't smoke anymore?"
Izzy: "Oh yeah."
(We had by now gotten to the grocery store. A woman was loading her car up with her groceries. She put her head up as we got out of the car. No doubt she heard Izzy's voice chirping away merrily. She smiled at me as we passed her.)
Izzy: "Daddy?"
Daddy: "Uh-huh?"
Izzy: "Can I HAVE a cigarette?"
I am certain the groceries hit the ground as quickly as her jaw... smile and wave Izzy, just smile and wave...
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