Isobel: "Where are you going?"
Daddy: "I'm going to change my shirt."
Isobel: "Why are you changing your shirt?"
Daddy: "I need to unload the flooring from the car and I don't want this shirt to get all sweaty and smelly."
Isobel: "Can I help unload the new flooring?"
Daddy: "It's pretty heavy, Pick. It's awfully hot out too.
Isobel : "It's OK, I'm wearing kind of a hippy shirt. I don't mind if it gets sweaty."
Daddy: "Don't let the hair fool you, I'm no hippy. I like violence."
Isobel: "What? Hippies don't like violins? What's the matter with them?"
I think every child has a deep down wish. Something that when they see it or learn about it, it effects their psyche so profoundly that it kind of imprints itself there. Surfacing intermittently throughout the rest of their lives. Everybody has one...yes, even you. Maybe you never told anybody, maybe you were too embarrassed to say anything and you kept it buried way way down in that place that you never let anybody touch.
With me it was stand up comedy. Hard to believe I know. With my quiet and shy demeanour you might think I'd dream of being a postman or a bus conductor. Something lees in the limelight. The heart wants what the heart wants. OK, really I started listening to my parents records at an early age. I remember a Bill Cosby record and a Jonathan Winters record. I listened to them a lot...probably too much but when I heard the reaction these two men were getting from the audiences they were standing in front of, it did something to me. Turned on a little switch. Next came Mork and Mindy and when I found out Mork started as a stand up comic, well it was all over but the swearing. I got a Robin Williams record for Christmas that year and I remember that nothing was really mentioned about the F bombs that were throughout that record. I think I got a comedy record every Christmas after that. Rodney Dangerfield, George Carlin, Billy Connolly, Richard Pryor, Redd Foxx. They were all great and I listened to them over and over. Alone and with my friends. In the beginning part of the funny was the getting away with hearing THAT word being said so much and not getting into trouble for it. Once that wore off, we were still listening to them because they were all incredibly fucking funny.(see what I did there?) I never did try stand up comedy and every once in a while, I think of trying an open mike night but I figure I made enough of a fool of myself playing in a band for as long as I did.
But Isobel...ahh Izzy's dream is not so selfish as mine or yours. No, Izzy's secret dream is all about someone else. My daughter's secret hope is for me. What!? You heard it right.
"Daddy?" she asked one day.
"Yes, Stink Pie?"
"If I had one wish, I would wish for you."
"What would you wish for me?" I asked. I thought she might have something up her sleeve, like buying a catcher's mitt for your mother on Mother's day.
"If I could have one wish, " she began. "I would wish that you would win the lottery.
I was nearly speechless.
"And?" I asked.
"And what?" asked Isobel.
"And what else would you wish for?" I replied.
"Nothing. Just for you to win the lottery." she said.
I left it alone. If it was a completely selfless thing, which I was beginning to think it was, I didn't want to make her feel weird or guilty for it. But remember this...I didn't.
So some time went by and the lottery came and went and I did not win it but that never stopped me from buying tickets before. I will likely never win the lottery. One thing is for certain, I will NEVER, EVER win the lottery if I don't buy a ticket. But I'm greedy, if it dips below $35 million I couldn't be bothered to play.
We were outside the other day and Isobel mastered the obvious.
"Holy Jesus it's hot out here." she said.
"It sure is." I agreed.
"This kind of heat is not going to be good for the animals."
"Umm...what animals, Pick?" I foolishly asked.
"The animals on my farm." Isobel said.
"You don't have a farm, Pick." I said.
"I will soon." she said.
"Oh yeah?" I said. "When are you getting a farm?"
"Just as soon as you get your lottery money." she said.
Aha! there's the other shoe dropping just now.
"You figure I'm going to buy you a farm when I win the lottery?"
"You said you would." she said matter of factly.
And I know at some point I told her that if I won the $50 million, I would buy her a farm.
"What kind of animals will you have on your farm?"
"Probably a horse and some cows and a pig or two or three." she said.
"What about some chickens?" I asked.
"Oh god no." she spat. "Filthy damn birds, chickens are."
Isobel is still on about getting her ears pierced and I keep telling her I will take her. (Any suggestions as to a place to take her are welcome) Today however she announced she wants to get her nose pierced.
"Daddy, I want to get a nose ring."
"You're too young." I said almost as a reflex.
"I don't want a round one like an ear ring, I want a dot one. Here." she said pointing at a spot on her nose.
"Do you mean you want a stud and not a hoop?"
"Yeah," she said. "I want a stud in my nose."
"That's what I had." I said.
"You had your nose pierced?"
"Yup. Mummy did too but I think I had mine before her. Grandpa Ron hated it when I had mine."
"That's crazy." she said. "It's just a nose ring, lot's of people have them."
"They didn't then." I said.
"Daddy?" she asked me."Yup?"
"Daddy, how come Uncle Doug has rings in his... boobies? I don't know what to call them."
"Nipples. Uncle Doug has rings in his nipples. Guys have nipples too."
"How come Uncle Doug has rings in his nipples?"
"I don't really know, Pick. You might have to ask him."
"Um..." she fumbled. "I think I just won't look at them and hope he doesn't talk about them."
Might be for the best...
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